But no one really knew, because I could not put it into words, nor did I want to. Except into prayer words. I poured out my despair to God, pleading for immediate relief and healing. But despite asking over and over again relief didn’t come. Was I expecting it enough? I didn’t know. My mind was too muddled. But I did begin, very tentatively, to consider one possibility. It resulted from reading about a desperate sufferer whose persistent plea was also ‘Lord, heal me’ until he realized there was a